Emotional Mindfulness

We all go through different kinds of emotions in a day...obviously the degree to which each one of us go through varies.....and again they are not subject to reason but may be immediately subject to action...probably these emotions that we go through everyday gathers and lifts us up and this is perhaps the highest morality we can instill...at the same time some emotions don't make a lot of noise, its hard to hear pride ...saying this reminds me of what my sister told me couple of days back....this is how it goes..."Read your blog to mom ( about Mother's Day) and she started crying"...I knew that when I was writing the blog about my mom I was emotional and in tears but when heard my feeling at that time was a deeper truth, lead me astray!

And having said that and coming to think of it, I question to myself "What are emotions"? Emotions are energy that we feel in our bodies as physical sensations. Each of us feels our emotions differently, and each of us learned to put names to the various physical sensations that are caused by the energy of our emotional state. In modern times the subject of emotion has become part of the subject matter of several scientific disciplines-biology, sociology, anthropology etc. An interesting phenomena is that when we put ourselves mentally into a person or situation, we experience the emotions of that person more strongly....Purpose of emotions: they certainly have significant effect on us...but what is it all for? .....may be connect good emotions and eliminate the bad ones, signals telling you something about what is happening in the inner you....emotions will not go away, but we can learn to manage them. We all have emotions, and we must deal with them, but we cannot trust them! Why? because emotions are our greatest enemy. More than anything, Satan uses our emotions against us to keep is from walking in the spirit. We know the mind is the battlefield-the place where the battle is waged between the spirit and the soul. I have read that when emotion pulsates, the mind becomes deceived, and conscience is denied its standard of judgment. Emotions urge us towards haste.

Therefore "To me, there are three things we all should do everyday. We should do this everyday of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh everyday. Number two is think. You should spend sometime in thought. And number three is, you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think, and you cry, that's a full day. That's a heck of a day. You do that seven days a week, you're going to have something special" as quoted by Jim Valvano!

Examed month

Anxiety, excitement, curiosity, hope...all these and many more was wandering about inside my head, eyes wide open and brain machinery whizzing...though attempted to pretend that I knew everything but decided to stay silent.....this is what happened to me when for the first time I traveled in a GO Bus heading to Toronto Union Station.....left home almost 2 hours before, thinking that this is the first time...should always have some time in hand....the ride was quite good...everybody focused on their own thoughts....some looked like their mind might have taken a higher plane of knowledge...so well-versed...seemed to me like they drank from the fountain of knowledge....while this was my observation, I thought to myself "I don't know anything about luck. I've never banked on it, and I'm afraid of people who do. Luck to me is something else; hard work and realizing what is opportunity and what isn't it" as quoted by Lucille Ball....not very sure if that mystery meeting would ignite the circuits of my highest potential....my trembling hand slowly reached the yellow line...the realization came that, deep down, "that it wasn't too bad as I expected to be"......felt the liberating energy from end to end...a place of allowance, unshackled by the tyrannies of ideology....

I considered walking towards the address as I roughly had an idea as to where it would be. My glance swung to a digital clock display...gosh I'm 1 hour 45 minutes early....I considered then taking a stroll on the same street being a beautiful sunny day...therefore kept walking gazing at people, seemed like a rat race at every stop light....cars rushing fast, people gathered in bunches at stop lights waiting for that "walking man sign".....lovely tulip flowers in sets blooming on both sides of the road....looking at my cell phone again I realized it was about time for me to go back to the office where my test is ( for a job opportunity).....completely unprepared, simply going with the attitude "let's give it a shot"....after waiting for good 15 minutes a voice filtered through " Thank you for being prompt, please follow me to the exam hall"...Silence was easily managed....the test began after 15 minutes or so and knowing the first section needs to be completed in 25 minutes made my heart beat fast and my hands were sweating and trembling...but gradually I was okay knowing that I finished it and that most of my answers were correct and finished it before 25 minutes gave me a sigh of relief......overall the test wasn't too bad...tried my best and the rest I leave it to Almighty God!

This whole month of May looks like will either open a new chapter for me or it won't... but at the same time "an unexamed life is not worth living".....

Happy Mother's Day!

Its Mother's Day...so let us all celebrate motherhood and the positive contributions of mothers to society. It is a result of a campaign by Anne Marie Jarvis who, following the death of her mother on May 9, 1905, devoted her life to establishing Mother's Day as a national, and later an international holiday.

I'm miles away from my mom now and I know she's traveling to a different city today ( back home) but through this blog Ma ( as I call her) I want to let you know that I Love you and miss you lots....specially when you came to visit me last year and after staying with me for 4 months and when you were gone there was vacuum all over, as if a part of me is gone...I couldn't go to the basement for one whole week..the moment I would go there "tears" would roll down my eyes....your presence was felt everywhere....tried everything to compensate and console but nothing conquered....emptiness killed me! You have such a humanizing effect....

I know you took immense care of me when I was born and being a below weight baby required utmost care...she wrapped me in cotton for one whole year and nobody was allowed to touch me except ma and dad due to the possibility that I may not grow...your arms are more comforting than anyone else's...the tie is so pure and immaculate...the relationship is so paradoxical..Patience is something that I should learn from you, still remember those days when I used to play hide n seek and you used to feed me simultaneously....and your heart is such a deep abyss where I can always find forgiveness...an archetypal selfless mother sheltering us from consequences of our actions....your love has endured through all....strong, guiding and unselfish...."a pivot on which the whole family spins"...You are a wonderful, rare woman, strong and steadfast and there's no substitute for you! True "A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts." Washington Irving.

Love you Ma and hope you can feel my written word!

While this was for my mom......below is what my daughter wrote for me:-

A Cup of Tea for Mommy And Me!

Here is a little teacup With some words to say ( Pretty, Care, Helpful, Love, Nice)
My tea will refresh you On your special day
Love,
Risha
This is what I have to say to my two little angels:-

"Before you were conceived I wanted you
Before you were born I loved you
Before you were here an hour I would die for you
This is the miracle of life."

The delight of this experience of being a mother and motherhood has been one of the most important parts of my life as a woman. I see a magical closed circle, the miraculous sense of two people.

"If it's surprising, it's useful"

Risha getting ready for school, little one crying because she wants to sleep, preparing breakfast...this is how my first half of the day is in a nutshell. Glad! that the first half of the day is over for today. I'm sitting in front of the computer checking my emails....suddenly see an email from HR personnel ( this organization that I applied for not too long ago for a specific position) for a written test that I have to appear for....this has taken me by surprise....agreeably and astonish slightly, shocked completely! You should have seen my face.....Risha kept saying "mom you are so lucky, you get to go the next grade".....I couldn't stop looking at her and the email....the very essence is surprise and amazement....that's it....how pointless I was thinking I may not be considered....to have it all come out right was a perpetual surprise ...this is what happens.. "when we encounter a natural style we are always surprised and delighted".....the whole thing is miraculous.

Quite true! Surprise is what happens when you’re looking the other way. It can be wonderful and it can be devastating. So pin your ears back and get ready for the things for which you can never fully prepare. And when surprise happens, notice it and ask why, because your subconscious may just given you a clue to some new thing.

Like Tom Hirshfield said "If it's surprising, it's useful"

Little Woman-sugar & spice!

Days passed by so swiftly since the time Risha had her surgery yet she remembers every moment spent at Sick Kids. No wonder young children before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily. Her evasion is quicker than an adult, simply muddles me.

Yesterday with her intellectual expression, beautiful eyes and poise she expresses me her experience almost like a sunset "Mom you know when they took me to the Recovery Room, there was lots of kids to see me and noise but I didn't have that mask on ( strawberry flavored as she requested)".....really I said...."yeah, but then I wanted to sleep" and then what happened I asked..."and then daddy comes and says Hi baby and I fell off to sleep again".....And I thought to myself what a wonderful little woman she is. Oh yeah....her words circled comfortably in her mouth like bubble gum, swished around sweetly soft and satisfying.....Isn't it like taking a bite of something lovely? If only we could eat words. It is this incredibly benevolent little lady that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid. She took great delight in telling me that the girl who picked her up and switched her to her room did hurt her a little bit....describing like a self fulfilling prophecy.....my imagination reeled, mere moments passed I came to realize that sitting in here every minute with her I enjoyed and savored...and her spirit, I can never catch it running after it....

She came close and kissed me soft, hugging me tight like a kitten huddling in the shelter of your clasp, I saw now moon's glow, and then she spoke "Look now I can use my left hand completely...I can move my hand at the back of my head, touch the tip of my nose, hang in the monkey bar, blah, blah, blah"....

With Risha's image before me and seeing her happy, my inner soul whispers in my ears that "she's an adornment of life"!

A Walk with Nature!

What is nature? Is it the mountains and trees and brooks in the wild? Is it us the people, our dreams and aspirations? Is it just a concept that was put into motion by some divine entity? I do not know. Most people have trouble defining nature, but as they say, "I know it when I see it." I guess the silence is very real, almost like an unlimited broadcasting station, if only we tune in. True "One touch of nature makes the whole world kin" as quoted by William Shakespeare. Nature unfolds treasures to one's search, unseals our eyes, illumes our mind...puts our senses in order! True beauty lies in her amplitude. "How strange that nature does not knock, and yet does not intrude"....Yet discovering this idyllic place would mean keeping our sense of proportions regular.

But in the true sense of the term "Nature" ( from the Latin word "natura") refers to the phenomena of the physical universe and life. The concept of nature as a whole, the physical universe is one of several expansions of the original notion. Nature constantly offers us simple pleasures to love....opening ourselves to the beauty around us is a way to bring more happiness and peace in our lives...helps us thrill to the excitement of our universe....Our natural world is alive with beauty and wonder. There's space, calm and solitude, portal to appreciation. Its stillness is an underrated sensation. Yet, when all is calm and quiet, we exhale with a sigh, perhaps closing our eyes for a moment, then, looking about, see beauty. Its sort of like a massage, stillness in the way it bestows relaxation to spots you didn't even know were tense. Experience nature at its undisturbed finest!

This was just a random thought and like Albert Einstein said "Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better"